lady_sarai (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
lady_sarai) wrote2007-02-26 06:43 pm
lady_sarai) wrote2007-02-26 06:43 pm
Entry tags:
They did a lot of very cracktastic things, some of them involving an incandescent lamppost.
Oh, I have just amused myself FAR too much for... oh, maybe half an hour. I found a website that creates short stories mad-lib style. I was feeling silly, so I used Bruce and Richard and OMG.
A Gloomy Day To Bite
Bruce stepped breathlessly out into the steaming sunshine, and admired Richard's hip. "Ah," he sighed, "That's an incandescent sight."
Richard climbed off the llama and walked wildly across the grass to greet his lover. Bruce patted Richard on the ear and then tried to bite him savagely, but without success.
"That's all right," Richard said. "We can try again later."
"I'm just not elemental," Bruce. "Not as elemental as the time we bit in my map."
Richard nodded tenderly. "We were first back in those days."
"Our shoulders were younger, and we had a lot more fun with them," Bruce said. "Everything seems bountiful and lemon-fresh when you're young."
"Of course," Richard said. "But now we're dangerous, and we can still have fun. If we go about it contentedly."
"Contentedly?" Bruce said. "But how?"
"With this," Richard said and held out a cracktastic lamppost. "Just take that with some water and in half an hour, you'll be ready to bite."
Bruce swallowed the lamppost at once and sure enough, in half an hour, they were able to bite contentedly. They bit like the bats in the batcave. Three times.
And then the neighbour told them to get off his lawn.
I'm sorry, but oh. I am amused. And the cool thing is, you can hit refresh and it will make you a brand new story with the same words you filled in.
I had fun with the refreshing.
The Adventure Of The Manticore
Bruce and Richard were out for a steaming Valentine's walk in my map. As they went, Richard rested his hand on Bruce's ear. It was the most romantic walk ever. But even though the day was so incandescent, Bruce was filled with first dread.
"Do you suppose it's bountiful here?" he asked tenderly.
"You lemon-fresh silly," Richard said, tickling Bruce with his lamppost. "It's completely dangerous."
Just then, a gloomy manticore leapt out from behind a llama and bit Richard in the shoulder. "Aaargh!" Richard screamed.
Things looked cracktastic. But Bruce, although he was elemental, knew he had to save his love. He grabbed a sign and, like the bats in the batcave, beat the manticore contentedly until it ran off. "That will teach you to bite innocent people."
Then he clasped Richard close. Richard was bleeding savagely. "My darling," Bruce said, and pressed his lips to Richard's hip.
"I love you," Richard said wildly, and expired in Bruce's arms.
Bruce never loved again.
And just pieces of this one:
Bruce thought that he would surprise Richard. Maybe even sneak up behind him and bite him on his steaming shoulder. That always made Richard lemon-fresh.
Bruce crept breathlessly down the stairs and into the living room. There was the tree, with its first lights, and the presents, heaped up contentedly, and the mistletoe hanging from the ceiling, and Richard. Kissing someone.
Bruce was so angry, he picked up a sign from a table and threw it tenderly in my map.
They both looked around.
"Richard, you incandescent manticore!" Bruce yelled. "How could you cheat on me with...with..." Bruce looked and then rubbed his ear and looked again. It was Santa Claus.
"Let me explain," Richard said. "I came down for a glass of water and then I found Santa here under the mistletoe."
"Ho! Ho! Ho!" Santa said. "So of course he had to give me a kiss. And what a cracktastic kiss it was."
"Well, I suppose," Bruce said savagely. "If he was under the mistletoe."
...Santa was the best kisser ever, like the bats in the batcave. He made Bruce's hip feel all bountiful.
Oh, and not posting all of this one, just the best part (which could be the best of them all):
"I'm Prince Richard," he said. "I was cursed. It's a long story."
"Is it really you?" Bruce said.
"See?" Richard said and showed Bruce the scar from the sign on his hip. Then he kissed Bruce and they tumbled in my map and did a lot of very cracktastic things, some of them involving an incandescent lamppost.
DYING HERE!!!
I... I... I think this one wins for the pure, undiluted power of CRACK:
The Battle For The Llama
In my map, Bruce bit his llama. He had been busy with the llama for hours and now wanted nothing more than an incandescent cuddle or a cracktastic massage from his lover Richard.
He said this last thought out loud, and all of a sudden his dangerous Richard appeared at the door, grinning wildly.
"Put down the llama," Richard said savagely. "Unless you want me to bite that llama on your hip."
Bruce put down the llama. He was bountiful. He had never seen Richard so gloomy before and it made him steaming.
Richard picked up the llama, then withdrew a lamppost from his shoulder. "Don't be so bountiful," Richard said with a gloomy grimace. "A manticore bit my ear this morning, and everything became first. Now with this llama and this lamppost I can savagely rule the world!"
Bruce clutched his lemon-fresh ear breathlessly. This was his lover, his dangerous Richard, now staring at him with a gloomy shoulder.
"Fight it!" Bruce shouted. "The manticore just wants the llama for his own dangerous devices! He doesn't love you, not the incandescent way I do!"
Bruce could see Richard trembling breathlessly. Bruce reached out his hip and touched Richard's shoulder savagely. He was dangerous, so dangerous, but he knew only his lemon-fresh love for Richard would break the manticore's spell.
Sure enough, Richard dropped the llama with a thunk. "Oh, Bruce," he squealed. "I'm so incandescent, can you ever forgive me?"
But Bruce had already moved in my map. Like the bats in the batcave, he pressed his hip into Richard's shoulder. And as they fell together in a first fit of love, the llama lay on the floor, steaming and forgotten.
Oh, someone needs to stop me. Really.
A Sign In Time
On a dangerous and lemon-fresh morning, Bruce sat in my map. It was Valentine's Day and he was all alone. His ear ached in sorrow for the secret love that he could never share. How could he expect Richard to love someone with an incandescent hip?
Breathlessly, he began to recite a poem he had composed. "Ah, my love is like an elemental bountiful lamppost, all on a summer's day. I wish my Richard would bite me, in his own gloomy way..."
"Do you?" Richard sat down beside Bruce and put his hand on Bruce's shoulder. "I think that could be arranged."
Bruce gasped wildly. "But what about my incandescent hip?"
"I like it," Richard said contentedly. "I think it's cracktastic."
They came together and their kiss was like the bats in the batcave.
"I love you," Bruce said savagely.
"I love you too," Richard replied and bit him.
They bought a manticore, moved in together, and lived tenderly ever after.
And then it goes Shakespearean:
Bruce and Richard
by William Shakespeare
Enter Bruce
Richard appears above at a window
Bruce:
But, soft! what light through yonder window breaks?
It is the sign, and Richard is the manticore.
Arise, elemental manticore, and bite the first llama.
See, how he leans his shoulder upon his ear!
O, that I were a glove upon that ear,
That I might touch that shoulder!
Richard:
O Bruce, Bruce! wherefore art thou Bruce?
What's in a name? That which we call a hip
By any other name would smell as incandescent
Dost thou love me? I know thou wilt say "like the bats in the batcave"
And I will take thy word; yet if thou swear'st,
Thou mayst prove steaming.
Bruce:
Swain, by yonder first llama I swear
That tips in my map the dangerous lamppost--
Richard:
O, swear not by the llama, the cracktastic llama,
That savagely changes in its bountiful orb,
Lest that thy love prove likewise bountiful.
Sweet, gloomy night! A thousand times gloomy night!
Parting is such lemon-fresh sorrow,
That I shall say gloomy night till it be morrow.
Exit above
I think the cracktastic llama wins all.
Steaming Love
Bruce finished packing. Ever since Richard, his own true love, had been lost at sea, Bruce had been cracktastic.
There was nothing left for him anymore, nothing bitten him, all was bountiful. So today, Valentine's Day, he was going in my map to become a first llama.
Just then, there was a dangerous knock at the door. Bruce opened it and stood there wildly for a moment, before falling to the floor in a swoon and bruising his hip.
When Bruce came to, Richard was holding his shoulder and looking incandescent. "My love," Richard said tenderly, "I'm sorry for the lemon-fresh shock. I've been shipwrecked on a gloomy island for the last ten years, living like the bats in the batcave. I was only rescued last week." He paused. "I lost my ear in the wreck. Can you still love me?"
Bruce could hardly believe his Richard had returned. "I will always love you, ear or no ear. Besides, you can cover it up with a lamppost."
They embraced contentedly and vowed to never be parted again.
And all was elemental.
And now I'm done. But oh, I've been laughing. I am so amused by these. ::snort:: Cracktastic llamas and incandescent hips and lemon-fresh shock!
I clearly need to get a life.
A Gloomy Day To Bite
Bruce stepped breathlessly out into the steaming sunshine, and admired Richard's hip. "Ah," he sighed, "That's an incandescent sight."
Richard climbed off the llama and walked wildly across the grass to greet his lover. Bruce patted Richard on the ear and then tried to bite him savagely, but without success.
"That's all right," Richard said. "We can try again later."
"I'm just not elemental," Bruce. "Not as elemental as the time we bit in my map."
Richard nodded tenderly. "We were first back in those days."
"Our shoulders were younger, and we had a lot more fun with them," Bruce said. "Everything seems bountiful and lemon-fresh when you're young."
"Of course," Richard said. "But now we're dangerous, and we can still have fun. If we go about it contentedly."
"Contentedly?" Bruce said. "But how?"
"With this," Richard said and held out a cracktastic lamppost. "Just take that with some water and in half an hour, you'll be ready to bite."
Bruce swallowed the lamppost at once and sure enough, in half an hour, they were able to bite contentedly. They bit like the bats in the batcave. Three times.
And then the neighbour told them to get off his lawn.
I'm sorry, but oh. I am amused. And the cool thing is, you can hit refresh and it will make you a brand new story with the same words you filled in.
I had fun with the refreshing.
The Adventure Of The Manticore
Bruce and Richard were out for a steaming Valentine's walk in my map. As they went, Richard rested his hand on Bruce's ear. It was the most romantic walk ever. But even though the day was so incandescent, Bruce was filled with first dread.
"Do you suppose it's bountiful here?" he asked tenderly.
"You lemon-fresh silly," Richard said, tickling Bruce with his lamppost. "It's completely dangerous."
Just then, a gloomy manticore leapt out from behind a llama and bit Richard in the shoulder. "Aaargh!" Richard screamed.
Things looked cracktastic. But Bruce, although he was elemental, knew he had to save his love. He grabbed a sign and, like the bats in the batcave, beat the manticore contentedly until it ran off. "That will teach you to bite innocent people."
Then he clasped Richard close. Richard was bleeding savagely. "My darling," Bruce said, and pressed his lips to Richard's hip.
"I love you," Richard said wildly, and expired in Bruce's arms.
Bruce never loved again.
And just pieces of this one:
Bruce thought that he would surprise Richard. Maybe even sneak up behind him and bite him on his steaming shoulder. That always made Richard lemon-fresh.
Bruce crept breathlessly down the stairs and into the living room. There was the tree, with its first lights, and the presents, heaped up contentedly, and the mistletoe hanging from the ceiling, and Richard. Kissing someone.
Bruce was so angry, he picked up a sign from a table and threw it tenderly in my map.
They both looked around.
"Richard, you incandescent manticore!" Bruce yelled. "How could you cheat on me with...with..." Bruce looked and then rubbed his ear and looked again. It was Santa Claus.
"Let me explain," Richard said. "I came down for a glass of water and then I found Santa here under the mistletoe."
"Ho! Ho! Ho!" Santa said. "So of course he had to give me a kiss. And what a cracktastic kiss it was."
"Well, I suppose," Bruce said savagely. "If he was under the mistletoe."
...Santa was the best kisser ever, like the bats in the batcave. He made Bruce's hip feel all bountiful.
Oh, and not posting all of this one, just the best part (which could be the best of them all):
"I'm Prince Richard," he said. "I was cursed. It's a long story."
"Is it really you?" Bruce said.
"See?" Richard said and showed Bruce the scar from the sign on his hip. Then he kissed Bruce and they tumbled in my map and did a lot of very cracktastic things, some of them involving an incandescent lamppost.
DYING HERE!!!
I... I... I think this one wins for the pure, undiluted power of CRACK:
The Battle For The Llama
In my map, Bruce bit his llama. He had been busy with the llama for hours and now wanted nothing more than an incandescent cuddle or a cracktastic massage from his lover Richard.
He said this last thought out loud, and all of a sudden his dangerous Richard appeared at the door, grinning wildly.
"Put down the llama," Richard said savagely. "Unless you want me to bite that llama on your hip."
Bruce put down the llama. He was bountiful. He had never seen Richard so gloomy before and it made him steaming.
Richard picked up the llama, then withdrew a lamppost from his shoulder. "Don't be so bountiful," Richard said with a gloomy grimace. "A manticore bit my ear this morning, and everything became first. Now with this llama and this lamppost I can savagely rule the world!"
Bruce clutched his lemon-fresh ear breathlessly. This was his lover, his dangerous Richard, now staring at him with a gloomy shoulder.
"Fight it!" Bruce shouted. "The manticore just wants the llama for his own dangerous devices! He doesn't love you, not the incandescent way I do!"
Bruce could see Richard trembling breathlessly. Bruce reached out his hip and touched Richard's shoulder savagely. He was dangerous, so dangerous, but he knew only his lemon-fresh love for Richard would break the manticore's spell.
Sure enough, Richard dropped the llama with a thunk. "Oh, Bruce," he squealed. "I'm so incandescent, can you ever forgive me?"
But Bruce had already moved in my map. Like the bats in the batcave, he pressed his hip into Richard's shoulder. And as they fell together in a first fit of love, the llama lay on the floor, steaming and forgotten.
Oh, someone needs to stop me. Really.
A Sign In Time
On a dangerous and lemon-fresh morning, Bruce sat in my map. It was Valentine's Day and he was all alone. His ear ached in sorrow for the secret love that he could never share. How could he expect Richard to love someone with an incandescent hip?
Breathlessly, he began to recite a poem he had composed. "Ah, my love is like an elemental bountiful lamppost, all on a summer's day. I wish my Richard would bite me, in his own gloomy way..."
"Do you?" Richard sat down beside Bruce and put his hand on Bruce's shoulder. "I think that could be arranged."
Bruce gasped wildly. "But what about my incandescent hip?"
"I like it," Richard said contentedly. "I think it's cracktastic."
They came together and their kiss was like the bats in the batcave.
"I love you," Bruce said savagely.
"I love you too," Richard replied and bit him.
They bought a manticore, moved in together, and lived tenderly ever after.
And then it goes Shakespearean:
Bruce and Richard
by William Shakespeare
Enter Bruce
Richard appears above at a window
Bruce:
But, soft! what light through yonder window breaks?
It is the sign, and Richard is the manticore.
Arise, elemental manticore, and bite the first llama.
See, how he leans his shoulder upon his ear!
O, that I were a glove upon that ear,
That I might touch that shoulder!
Richard:
O Bruce, Bruce! wherefore art thou Bruce?
What's in a name? That which we call a hip
By any other name would smell as incandescent
Dost thou love me? I know thou wilt say "like the bats in the batcave"
And I will take thy word; yet if thou swear'st,
Thou mayst prove steaming.
Bruce:
Swain, by yonder first llama I swear
That tips in my map the dangerous lamppost--
Richard:
O, swear not by the llama, the cracktastic llama,
That savagely changes in its bountiful orb,
Lest that thy love prove likewise bountiful.
Sweet, gloomy night! A thousand times gloomy night!
Parting is such lemon-fresh sorrow,
That I shall say gloomy night till it be morrow.
Exit above
I think the cracktastic llama wins all.
Steaming Love
Bruce finished packing. Ever since Richard, his own true love, had been lost at sea, Bruce had been cracktastic.
There was nothing left for him anymore, nothing bitten him, all was bountiful. So today, Valentine's Day, he was going in my map to become a first llama.
Just then, there was a dangerous knock at the door. Bruce opened it and stood there wildly for a moment, before falling to the floor in a swoon and bruising his hip.
When Bruce came to, Richard was holding his shoulder and looking incandescent. "My love," Richard said tenderly, "I'm sorry for the lemon-fresh shock. I've been shipwrecked on a gloomy island for the last ten years, living like the bats in the batcave. I was only rescued last week." He paused. "I lost my ear in the wreck. Can you still love me?"
Bruce could hardly believe his Richard had returned. "I will always love you, ear or no ear. Besides, you can cover it up with a lamppost."
They embraced contentedly and vowed to never be parted again.
And all was elemental.
And now I'm done. But oh, I've been laughing. I am so amused by these. ::snort:: Cracktastic llamas and incandescent hips and lemon-fresh shock!
I clearly need to get a life.