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lady_saraiTitle: The Smell of Smoke
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
lady_sarai
Fandom/Continuity: DCU, Teen Titans v.1
Length: ~1,900 words
Characters: Roy Harper, Dick Grayson; cameos by Donna, Wally and Garth
Warnings: Potentially disturbing references to dead bodies
Disclaimer: I so own nothing.
Author's Note: Thanks tozoe_chan for letting me flail and corrupt her share the Roy love, and for hand-holding and encouraging. ♥
Summary: It took six fire departments and the Teen Titans to contain that fire, and now Roy can’t get rid of the smell of smoke.
A short Author’s Note at the end. Also archived at my website.
"We cross our bridges when we come to them and burn them behind us, with nothing to show for our progress except a memory of the smell of smoke, and a presumption that once our eyes watered." -Tom Stoppard
***
It wasn’t anything like a normal mission—not that any missions were normal, but this one didn’t even have any kind of super villain or alien invasion or metas or even mob bosses or pickpockets, for cryin’ out loud—it wasn’t even a mission. No one called them, no one asked for their help. It was just Dick watching the news—and what self-respecting teenage boy watches the news on a Saturday night, anyway?—and Donna, Wally and Garth having powers that actually made them useful in that kind of situation. It wasn’t like arrows—even his best trick arrows—have anything on a fire that consumes three city blocks and half the park and takes six fire departments and the Teen Titans to contain.
Not that he did much to help with the containing, he reminds himself as he shampoos his hair for the third time. No, he and Robin rescued survivors—pulled people from burning buildings, and dragged kids from behind couches and saved a fucking kitten from a balcony—and maybe that was just as important as putting the fire out, but they couldn’t get everyone. Superman could have helped, but he was off with the Justice League or maybe in space or Greenland saving the whales and anyway, this fire wasn’t the biggest crisis in the world at the moment.
Roy finishes his shower and returns to his room, where it smells like smoke. The smell is so thick he can almost see it, and it chokes him. He grabs his costume and manages to avoid his teammates while he bags it and tosses it in the bottom of a trashcan as far from his room as he can get. He’ll have to tell Ollie it got burnt or something and he doesn’t care. No amount of washing will get the soot and smoke out of that thing now, and he’d rather spend his allowance on a new uniform than wear it again.
He takes another shower.
After washing his hair five times, Roy returns to his room, his skin tinged pink from the rubbing and the hot water. His room still smells like smoke and he can’t get the images out of his head. He opens the window as wide as he can, strips his bed and changes the sheets. Sneaking into Donna’s room is tricky, but he manages and soon his room smells more like lavender and vanilla than charred wood.
It smells entirely too girly, even if it is an improvement, so Roy leaves the window open—even though it’s February and cold—while he takes a third shower. He lets the hot water pour over his head and uses the last of his shampoo and stays there even when the hot water runs out, and his skin is raw from the washcloth. Roy focuses on the water pouring down the drain and decidedly does not think about the people he and Robin didn’t save. It wasn’t like he’d never seen a body before. It wasn’t like he’d thought they could save everyone.
He just can’t get rid of that smell.
When he starts shivering and his teeth start clacking, Roy turns the water off and gets out of the shower. He pauses in the hall, listening. He can hear voices in the kitchen—Dick and Wally—but he’s not hungry. He doesn’t want to see the others, but he’s too keyed up to go to bed yet—besides, it’s not even midnight. They left before noon and they should be tired, but he’s not. Roy has no idea where Donna and Garth are, but they’ll all probably be pretty pissed at him for using all the hot water.
Roy retreats to his room and locks the door. He throws himself face-down on his bed and breathes in whatever flowery air freshener he stole from Donna. It’s not long before he has to roll over and take deep breaths of the frigid air pouring in the open window. Even under layers of Donna’s smelly stuff he can make out that choking, acrid scent of burning wood and other things he’s not thinking about.
Maybe he needs another shower. Roy’s hair isn’t long enough for him to sniff at, but he knows from experience that it’s hard to get certain smells out of hair. Maybe one of the others will lend him their shampoo—except that would involve asking them for it, and he’d rather try and find a Seven-Eleven or something and buy a new bottle, but he’s not sure he has the cash with him if he wants to get home before school Monday morning.
Before he can seriously contemplate getting up and stealing Dick or Wally’s shampoo, there’s a knock on the door. He curses under his breath.
"Roy?" Dick. Damn it. "Roy, we’ve got pizza."
"I’m not hungry," he calls out, hoping that Dick doesn’t notice the way his voice shakes a little. His stomach growls and makes him a liar, but Dick couldn’t possibly hear it from the hall—probably.
Roy’s not sure if Dick’s pause has to do with shock over Roy not being hungry or if he’s just thinking of all the ways he can break down Roy’s door. "I promise Wally didn’t make it. C’mon, Roy."
Roy can think of a million reasons why he shouldn’t go have pizza with his best friends right now, but the reason he should is why he ultimately gets up—Dick probably does know at least twenty ways to get into Roy’s room, and he’d rather not find out the hard way.
It’s pizza with his friends, and it shouldn’t be as excruciating as it feels. But the pizza tastes dry and burns the roof of his mouth. It was a frozen pizza, and maybe it would have been better if Wally had cooked it—he’s too impatient to let it burn and it’s just this side of well-done. The crust scrapes Roy’s raw throat and the kitchen smells like bitter garlic and charred bread and no one opened a window. He thinks about doing it himself, but it would draw attention to him and right now he’s focusing on finishing his slice and getting out of there as quickly as possible.
It’s baffling. Dick’s cracking jokes and Wally’s zipping around after napkins and red pepper and Donna’s laughing and Garth is talking about something he did with the fire hose and Roy wants to vomit, or yell at them, or something. They’re acting like it’s a normal Saturday night, and it is even while it isn’t.
Roy’s not in the mood, and when he finishes his pizza he goes to put away his plate. Dick grabs his arm to yank him back into his seat. Roy doesn’t even know what he says; something inside just snaps and everything stops. Wally’s pizza is halfway to his mouth—it has to be a record, how long Wally doesn’t move—and Garth puts his down and Donna does that little sharp inhale thing she does when he’s being extremely stupid and Dick. Dick lets go of his arm.
Roy can’t look at any of them, and he feels his face burning, but he drops his plate in the sink and leaves the kitchen, the silence and their eyes following him.
When he gets to his room, he’s surprised that he manages not to slam his door or to sink to the floor against it the way his knees threaten to give out. He’s got a lump in his throat and his eyes burn and he can smell burnt pizza, burnt carpet, burnt curtains, furniture, wood, flesh.
Roy’s leaning against the window frame before he realizes it, gasping in the night air so it burns in his lungs and he might be hyperventilating a little. He’s screwed up. He doesn’t know what he said, but it was bad and Dick let go and sometimes he’s so fucking stupid. Roy thinks dimly that he could probably get back to Star City tonight if he has to, and Ollie won’t be there but that’s not new and he’s clearly not fit for company anyway.
Roy winds up on the floor under the window, arms around his knees. He’s cold, though he doesn’t feel it. He smells smoke, but it’s less powerful here where the air is washing over him. His room is dark, because he never bothered with the light. His chest hurts, like there’s something pressing on it; he can’t breathe, he can’t think and now he’s ruined everything.
When his door opens, he realizes that he didn’t lock it, and he’s momentarily blinded when light spills in from the hall. When he stops blinking, Roy sees Dick leaning against the doorframe, frowning. This is it, he thinks, even if he doesn’t know what it is. He should apologize, but he doesn’t know what he’s apologizing for and anyway, his throat seems swollen shut.
It’s forever, but Dick flips the light switch, and Roy’s blinded for a second time. When he can see again, Dick’s shut the door behind him and is sitting on Roy’s bed, watching him. "Roy," he says. It’s wary and annoyed but worried, too.
Roy drops his head to his knees. He asks it before he thinks. His voice shakes, but if anyone knows the answer to this, it’s Robin—Dick. "Do you think they knew what was happening?"
He can’t look at Dick. Roy can’t look anywhere because he’s asked and now he can’t breathe. He wants to take it back, he wants to un-ask, he wants to know. He’s asked and now he needs… He didn’t know how much he needed to know this. Dick takes forever to answer. "Why—What do you mean, Roy?"
He can’t ask again. He can’t. There’s something choking him and his eyes are burning. It’s a hell of a time for his voice to break like he’s thirteen again. "That last apartment. That… that family, Dick. Did they even have a chance? Did they know… did it hurt?" He hates how fucking young, how pathetic and shaky and desperate he sounds to himself. He shuts his eyes because he doesn’t want to see Dick look at him like he’s… he doesn’t know what, but he doesn’t want to see it.
The thing is, he can’t stop seeing that apartment, those unrecognizable bodies, the fucking curtains hanging in smoldering tatters. He can see them, trapped and waiting—for someone to save them, for their death, he doesn’t know. Roy can’t turn his brain off, he can’t stop wondering how long it takes to die when you’re burning alive, and he can’t stop imagining how much it must fucking hurt.
Roy isn’t even aware that he’s crying in the long, silent moment after he’s spoken, but then Dick’s pulling him into an awkward embrace and he fights it at first. Dick says urgently, "Smoke inhalation, Roy. They were dead before the flames even got to them."
He hears the roar of flames, sees the bodies, chokes on smoke. There’s a sound like an animal’s howl, and he can’t breathe, he's choking and blind—Roy grips Dick’s shoulders and tucks his head into his best friend’s neck and it’s uncomfortable but Dick’s got his arms around him. Now that he’s started, he can’t stop.
Dick holds Roy together while he falls apart.
***
Author’s Note: This could easily be set after Roy’s heroin addiction, but I intended it to be set before, when they’re all a bit younger—say 14 or 15. And then I realized that I’d written it as if they were living in Titan’s Tower, and I think that contradicts canon somewhere but… maybe that's okay? This is a direct result of reading far too much about Roy and trying to figure out a personal timeline/canon for him, and thinking about how his father died in that forest fire when he was two. This assumes Roy knows that he died in a fire, but not necessarily the specific cause of his death.
Feedback is love. ♥ me?
Author:
lady_saraiFandom/Continuity: DCU, Teen Titans v.1
Length: ~1,900 words
Characters: Roy Harper, Dick Grayson; cameos by Donna, Wally and Garth
Warnings: Potentially disturbing references to dead bodies
Disclaimer: I so own nothing.
Author's Note: Thanks to
zoe_chan for letting me flail and Summary: It took six fire departments and the Teen Titans to contain that fire, and now Roy can’t get rid of the smell of smoke.
A short Author’s Note at the end. Also archived at my website.
"We cross our bridges when we come to them and burn them behind us, with nothing to show for our progress except a memory of the smell of smoke, and a presumption that once our eyes watered." -Tom Stoppard
It wasn’t anything like a normal mission—not that any missions were normal, but this one didn’t even have any kind of super villain or alien invasion or metas or even mob bosses or pickpockets, for cryin’ out loud—it wasn’t even a mission. No one called them, no one asked for their help. It was just Dick watching the news—and what self-respecting teenage boy watches the news on a Saturday night, anyway?—and Donna, Wally and Garth having powers that actually made them useful in that kind of situation. It wasn’t like arrows—even his best trick arrows—have anything on a fire that consumes three city blocks and half the park and takes six fire departments and the Teen Titans to contain.
Not that he did much to help with the containing, he reminds himself as he shampoos his hair for the third time. No, he and Robin rescued survivors—pulled people from burning buildings, and dragged kids from behind couches and saved a fucking kitten from a balcony—and maybe that was just as important as putting the fire out, but they couldn’t get everyone. Superman could have helped, but he was off with the Justice League or maybe in space or Greenland saving the whales and anyway, this fire wasn’t the biggest crisis in the world at the moment.
Roy finishes his shower and returns to his room, where it smells like smoke. The smell is so thick he can almost see it, and it chokes him. He grabs his costume and manages to avoid his teammates while he bags it and tosses it in the bottom of a trashcan as far from his room as he can get. He’ll have to tell Ollie it got burnt or something and he doesn’t care. No amount of washing will get the soot and smoke out of that thing now, and he’d rather spend his allowance on a new uniform than wear it again.
He takes another shower.
After washing his hair five times, Roy returns to his room, his skin tinged pink from the rubbing and the hot water. His room still smells like smoke and he can’t get the images out of his head. He opens the window as wide as he can, strips his bed and changes the sheets. Sneaking into Donna’s room is tricky, but he manages and soon his room smells more like lavender and vanilla than charred wood.
It smells entirely too girly, even if it is an improvement, so Roy leaves the window open—even though it’s February and cold—while he takes a third shower. He lets the hot water pour over his head and uses the last of his shampoo and stays there even when the hot water runs out, and his skin is raw from the washcloth. Roy focuses on the water pouring down the drain and decidedly does not think about the people he and Robin didn’t save. It wasn’t like he’d never seen a body before. It wasn’t like he’d thought they could save everyone.
He just can’t get rid of that smell.
When he starts shivering and his teeth start clacking, Roy turns the water off and gets out of the shower. He pauses in the hall, listening. He can hear voices in the kitchen—Dick and Wally—but he’s not hungry. He doesn’t want to see the others, but he’s too keyed up to go to bed yet—besides, it’s not even midnight. They left before noon and they should be tired, but he’s not. Roy has no idea where Donna and Garth are, but they’ll all probably be pretty pissed at him for using all the hot water.
Roy retreats to his room and locks the door. He throws himself face-down on his bed and breathes in whatever flowery air freshener he stole from Donna. It’s not long before he has to roll over and take deep breaths of the frigid air pouring in the open window. Even under layers of Donna’s smelly stuff he can make out that choking, acrid scent of burning wood and other things he’s not thinking about.
Maybe he needs another shower. Roy’s hair isn’t long enough for him to sniff at, but he knows from experience that it’s hard to get certain smells out of hair. Maybe one of the others will lend him their shampoo—except that would involve asking them for it, and he’d rather try and find a Seven-Eleven or something and buy a new bottle, but he’s not sure he has the cash with him if he wants to get home before school Monday morning.
Before he can seriously contemplate getting up and stealing Dick or Wally’s shampoo, there’s a knock on the door. He curses under his breath.
"Roy?" Dick. Damn it. "Roy, we’ve got pizza."
"I’m not hungry," he calls out, hoping that Dick doesn’t notice the way his voice shakes a little. His stomach growls and makes him a liar, but Dick couldn’t possibly hear it from the hall—probably.
Roy’s not sure if Dick’s pause has to do with shock over Roy not being hungry or if he’s just thinking of all the ways he can break down Roy’s door. "I promise Wally didn’t make it. C’mon, Roy."
Roy can think of a million reasons why he shouldn’t go have pizza with his best friends right now, but the reason he should is why he ultimately gets up—Dick probably does know at least twenty ways to get into Roy’s room, and he’d rather not find out the hard way.
It’s pizza with his friends, and it shouldn’t be as excruciating as it feels. But the pizza tastes dry and burns the roof of his mouth. It was a frozen pizza, and maybe it would have been better if Wally had cooked it—he’s too impatient to let it burn and it’s just this side of well-done. The crust scrapes Roy’s raw throat and the kitchen smells like bitter garlic and charred bread and no one opened a window. He thinks about doing it himself, but it would draw attention to him and right now he’s focusing on finishing his slice and getting out of there as quickly as possible.
It’s baffling. Dick’s cracking jokes and Wally’s zipping around after napkins and red pepper and Donna’s laughing and Garth is talking about something he did with the fire hose and Roy wants to vomit, or yell at them, or something. They’re acting like it’s a normal Saturday night, and it is even while it isn’t.
Roy’s not in the mood, and when he finishes his pizza he goes to put away his plate. Dick grabs his arm to yank him back into his seat. Roy doesn’t even know what he says; something inside just snaps and everything stops. Wally’s pizza is halfway to his mouth—it has to be a record, how long Wally doesn’t move—and Garth puts his down and Donna does that little sharp inhale thing she does when he’s being extremely stupid and Dick. Dick lets go of his arm.
Roy can’t look at any of them, and he feels his face burning, but he drops his plate in the sink and leaves the kitchen, the silence and their eyes following him.
When he gets to his room, he’s surprised that he manages not to slam his door or to sink to the floor against it the way his knees threaten to give out. He’s got a lump in his throat and his eyes burn and he can smell burnt pizza, burnt carpet, burnt curtains, furniture, wood, flesh.
Roy’s leaning against the window frame before he realizes it, gasping in the night air so it burns in his lungs and he might be hyperventilating a little. He’s screwed up. He doesn’t know what he said, but it was bad and Dick let go and sometimes he’s so fucking stupid. Roy thinks dimly that he could probably get back to Star City tonight if he has to, and Ollie won’t be there but that’s not new and he’s clearly not fit for company anyway.
Roy winds up on the floor under the window, arms around his knees. He’s cold, though he doesn’t feel it. He smells smoke, but it’s less powerful here where the air is washing over him. His room is dark, because he never bothered with the light. His chest hurts, like there’s something pressing on it; he can’t breathe, he can’t think and now he’s ruined everything.
When his door opens, he realizes that he didn’t lock it, and he’s momentarily blinded when light spills in from the hall. When he stops blinking, Roy sees Dick leaning against the doorframe, frowning. This is it, he thinks, even if he doesn’t know what it is. He should apologize, but he doesn’t know what he’s apologizing for and anyway, his throat seems swollen shut.
It’s forever, but Dick flips the light switch, and Roy’s blinded for a second time. When he can see again, Dick’s shut the door behind him and is sitting on Roy’s bed, watching him. "Roy," he says. It’s wary and annoyed but worried, too.
Roy drops his head to his knees. He asks it before he thinks. His voice shakes, but if anyone knows the answer to this, it’s Robin—Dick. "Do you think they knew what was happening?"
He can’t look at Dick. Roy can’t look anywhere because he’s asked and now he can’t breathe. He wants to take it back, he wants to un-ask, he wants to know. He’s asked and now he needs… He didn’t know how much he needed to know this. Dick takes forever to answer. "Why—What do you mean, Roy?"
He can’t ask again. He can’t. There’s something choking him and his eyes are burning. It’s a hell of a time for his voice to break like he’s thirteen again. "That last apartment. That… that family, Dick. Did they even have a chance? Did they know… did it hurt?" He hates how fucking young, how pathetic and shaky and desperate he sounds to himself. He shuts his eyes because he doesn’t want to see Dick look at him like he’s… he doesn’t know what, but he doesn’t want to see it.
The thing is, he can’t stop seeing that apartment, those unrecognizable bodies, the fucking curtains hanging in smoldering tatters. He can see them, trapped and waiting—for someone to save them, for their death, he doesn’t know. Roy can’t turn his brain off, he can’t stop wondering how long it takes to die when you’re burning alive, and he can’t stop imagining how much it must fucking hurt.
Roy isn’t even aware that he’s crying in the long, silent moment after he’s spoken, but then Dick’s pulling him into an awkward embrace and he fights it at first. Dick says urgently, "Smoke inhalation, Roy. They were dead before the flames even got to them."
He hears the roar of flames, sees the bodies, chokes on smoke. There’s a sound like an animal’s howl, and he can’t breathe, he's choking and blind—Roy grips Dick’s shoulders and tucks his head into his best friend’s neck and it’s uncomfortable but Dick’s got his arms around him. Now that he’s started, he can’t stop.
Dick holds Roy together while he falls apart.
Author’s Note: This could easily be set after Roy’s heroin addiction, but I intended it to be set before, when they’re all a bit younger—say 14 or 15. And then I realized that I’d written it as if they were living in Titan’s Tower, and I think that contradicts canon somewhere but… maybe that's okay? This is a direct result of reading far too much about Roy and trying to figure out a personal timeline/canon for him, and thinking about how his father died in that forest fire when he was two. This assumes Roy knows that he died in a fire, but not necessarily the specific cause of his death.
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Date: 2007-03-02 05:36 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-03-02 06:21 am (UTC)I want to wrap him in fleece and feed him unburnt pizza.
That might be the best feedback EVER. Period. You've so made my night.
Partly because that's how I generally feel about Roy anyway. The man should be wrapped in fleece and fed unburnt pizza!
And here I put on my innocent face and totally don't let you near
corrupted herintroduced her to a giddy, flailing love of all things Roy. Nope. Uh-uh.I blame Lian? I mean, LOOKIT this icon. He's such a good daddy.
♥! Thank you! :)
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Date: 2007-03-02 07:24 am (UTC)I thought it had a good tone and flowed especially well for most of it being Roy exposition and thoughts. And I really like that Dick was there in the end, because he needs somebody.
I could see this before the heroin thing, easily. And I liked the bits and pieces that kind of implied the stuff he has to deal with, with Ollie.
Very well done.
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Date: 2007-03-02 07:16 pm (UTC)...but I'm sure all of them have had moments like this and seeing Roy have a moment like this really dug at me.
Thank you! I think Roy tries really hard to come across as braver and stronger and less emotional than he really is (especially at this age), but I think at the heart of it, he's very emotional. He just hides it if he can.
And I really like that Dick was there in the end, because he needs somebody.
He did, and I originally planned on Dick featuring much more prominently in this, but I'm happy with how it turned out, and I'm glad you liked it.
I'm really glad you picked out the Ollie references, too, because I wanted to include that without being heavy-handed with it.
Thank you for the lovely comment! :)
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Date: 2007-03-03 02:53 am (UTC)*encourages Dick to Never. Let. Go*
*Kills on Devin Grayson for THAT scene in NW 114 that is not my canon*This? Is beautiful. God, it's Roy and it's about his dad and about how everyone leaves him and how scared he is of it and how desperately afraid of that he is and what it's like to be pure human in a world with metas and... OH. Oh, the problems with Ollie are already starting and oh, sweetie.
*wants so much to make everything better for him, and so can't.*
Beautiful, gorgeous work.
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Date: 2007-03-03 03:05 am (UTC)And then you know how it feels when someone reads it and NOTICES ALL THOSE THINGS?!
That'd be me, right now, because you've so made my night. =D THANK YOU!
...Also, yeah, you don't have to strike out the killing on Devin Grayson because. um. THAT scene kills *me*. A lot. Because it should never have happened. Oh, BOYS.
Lian makes it better.
Thank you so much for the lovely feedback!! =D
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Date: 2007-03-03 03:06 am (UTC)how desperately afraid of that kind of a death he is, rather.
you, um. kind of broke me. So my FBs a little scatter-witted.
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Date: 2007-03-03 03:14 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-03-03 03:21 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-03-03 03:46 am (UTC)There are lots of interpretations of Roy, in the books and in fanfic. I don't agree with them all, but I can appreciate a good story. This was very moving. Nice job.
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Date: 2007-03-03 04:11 am (UTC)(no subject)
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Date: 2007-03-03 04:52 am (UTC)Just. . gosh, this is beautiful in every sense of the word. Beautiful characterization. Beautiful three dimensional writing that makes me feel the characters. Beautiful in the trueness of the feelings it expresses.
It wasn’t like arrows—even his best trick arrows—have anything on a fire that consumes three city blocks and half the park and takes six fire departments and the Teen Titans to contain.
Oh, Roy's guilt and inadequacy is just spot on. I think this line - and others similar to it - really make it feel like it's set pre-heroin addiction. There's certainly a vulnerability that Roy always kept afterwards, but that feeling of hopeless, of not being good enough, that started to nibble in his mind the minute he got kicked off the reservation and doubled due to OLLLIE'S NONESENSE, is perfectly showcased in that line, and makes what is going to happen make perfect and utter sense. It's not because of this incident; rather, this incident is a perfect little microcosm showing why it will happen later.
After washing his hair five times, Roy returns to his room, his skin tinged pink from the rubbing and the hot water. His room still smells like smoke and he can’t get the images out of his head.
I absolutely adore those two lines - they combine together to hit your senses and make see, feel, and smell the situation. It's perfect.
When he starts shivering and his teeth start clacking, Roy turns the water off and gets out of the shower.
Ooh, and here I can hear it.
Roy’s not sure if Dick’s pause has to do with shock over Roy not being hungry or if he’s just thinking of all the ways he can break down Roy’s door.
I love the way you describe them both so well here.
The crust scrapes Roy’s raw throat and the kitchen smells like bitter garlic and charred bread and no one opened a window. He thinks about doing it himself, but it would draw attention to him and right now he’s focusing on finishing his slice and getting out of there as quickly as possible.
I'm in awe of the imagery there - the extent of the agony that Roy is feeling that makes it difficult to finish even a slice of pizza. Just kind of perfect.
Wally’s pizza is halfway to his mouth—it has to be a record, how long Wally doesn’t move—and Garth puts his down and Donna does that little sharp inhale thing she does when he’s being extremely stupid and Dick. Dick lets go of his arm.
Aw, the friendship captured there is the best kind - the kind that shows how well they all know one another. Enough for Roy to automatically catalog each of their reactions even as he himself is hurting.
And Dick. . . that is exactly the way Dick and Roy's friendship works and will continue to work. Oh, Dick. Don't start letting go now, precious! You'll never stop. *scowls in Devin's direction.*
He doesn’t know what he said, but it was bad and Dick let go and sometimes he’s so fucking stupid.
*cries a little.*
Roy thinks dimly that he could probably get back to Star City tonight if he has to, and Ollie won’t be there but that’s not new and he’s clearly not fit for company anyway.
*cries a little more.*
And Roy's questions. . .they just broke my heart. Into a million little pieces.
But I love the way Dick was there for him. He was a good friend, a good leader, and a good person - all things that he should be. I love this story for the way you got inside Roy's head, and the way you absolutely nailed Dick at his best makes me love it more.
Also? Sequel? Sometime in the future, post-Devin, post-Outsiders, when Dick wants nothing more than to apologize to his
loverfriend, and comes bearing a pizza, promising that it's unburnt? Would be fabulous to read.no subject
Date: 2007-03-03 07:30 am (UTC)It's not because of this incident; rather, this incident is a perfect little microcosm showing why it will happen later.
Thank you, that's exactly what I was going for!! I'm kind of really intrigued by Roy's addiction and the explanation that puts it all on Ollie's shoulders doesn't exactly fit; I think it's a whole lifetime of issues and it was a culmination of everything, so I wanted to hint at that and I'm glad it seems to have worked!!
they combine together to hit your senses
Thank you! I'm rather fond of using the senses to describe things. I think one of my 6th grade teacher's lessons sunk in a little too much. ;) (She made us write a scene describing everything in a room using all 5 senses before writing any action. I had a hard time with it but now I sometimes worry I describe *too* much!)
I love the way you describe them both so well here.
I really love Dick and Roy and even at this age, I see them as being the kinds of friends who just KNOW each other. And Dick DOES know *many* ways to break into Roy's room. ;)
Enough for Roy to automatically catalog each of their reactions even as he himself is hurting.
Yes, and I think Roy relies on his friends more than even he knows and so he judges his actions by their reactions, if that makes sense.
And a big amen to the scowling. >_< Oh, Dick. Roy knows he's screwed up when you let go. (But the important part is that he comes after Roy, because he knows something is wrong.)
I'm both sorry and glad I made you cry, if that makes sense. =P Because I'm glad it moved you! ::sends Lian to make it better::
And Roy's questions. . .
I'll confess that a huge part of why this got written was because I wanted to address how Roy felt about his father's death--because even if he doesn't have many memories of him, he would have questions. Especially if there's no one around to answer those questions.
But I love the way Dick was there for him.
I intended for Dick to play a much larger role, but this was Roy's story and Dick sort of followed his lead. I'm really glad you liked Dick here, because he was my first love and I'm glad you thought I did him justice. And even if it was Roy's story, it was also about Roy and Dick as friends.
Also? Sequel? Sometime in the future, post-Devin, post-Outsiders, when Dick wants nothing more than to apologize to his lover friend, and comes bearing a pizza, promising that it's unburnt? Would be fabulous to read.
O_O Okay, GUH. That... I may have to catch up on (heh, figure out) the post-Devin/post-Outsiders canon for that but oh. That's what Dick SHOULD do. >_<
Thank you SO MUCH for the lovely, lovely fb! It really means so much! ♥ Friending you, if you don't mind!
(no subject)
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Date: 2007-03-03 05:42 am (UTC)Very glad Dick went after him and didn't leave him alone. That was needed on so many levels and hurts so much because he leaves so many other times in canon.
Just lovely.
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Date: 2007-03-03 06:34 am (UTC)The idea that he would have just enough knowledge to know that his father died that way would kill him.
That's pretty much where the whole thing came from, because with all the things they saw as children it wouldn't be strange to be put in a situation that might be a little too close to home.
That was needed on so many levels and hurts so much because he leaves so many other times in canon.
Which was another reason I wanted to set it as early as I did! :) Thank you so much!!
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Date: 2007-03-03 05:46 am (UTC)I adored this so much, thank you for writing it. I was so in the mood for new Roy fic, and this was exactly what I was looking for.
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Date: 2007-03-03 06:04 am (UTC)(no subject)
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Date: 2007-03-03 05:56 am (UTC)http://www.roytoys.net - RoyToys - The Unofficial Arsenal Fan Site
There's also the yahoogroups under the name royharper
All that is Roy is great and good. All hail the Roy.
Loved the story, though. I think Roy would have been aware of how his father died, which would make this all the more poignant for him. I was actually looking for Roy to be wondering if his father knew, felt, hurt, etc. The family popping up took me by suprise, but it was a good surprise...well y'know what I mean.
Wolfie, the Original RoyToy *grin*
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Date: 2007-03-03 06:46 am (UTC)The Roy!love surprised me by kind of side-swiping me and he took my heart and I haven't seen it since. ♥
And thank you, I'm so glad you like the story!
I was actually looking for Roy to be wondering if his father knew, felt, hurt, etc. The family popping up took me by suprise, but it was a good surprise...well y'know what I mean.
That was definitely my intention. I got to thinking that as kids they very well could have come across situations that might be a little too close to home for them. Even if Roy had never given *much* thought to how his father died, if he was faced with someone who had a similar death, it would bother him. (Was my thinking!)
So in the end, when he's asking if it hurt and he's having a panic attack, he's thinking about his father just as much as the people he saw... if that makes sense. :)
I'm glad you liked the story! Thanks for the lovely feedback!
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Date: 2007-03-03 06:17 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-03-03 06:47 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-03-03 08:26 am (UTC)I absolutely love the way you take Roy and just show him being just what he is: a kid in a very dangerous business, one where people get hurt, even die.
The attention you gave to Roy's little mannerisms show the love you feel for the character. And even if Roy did not KNOW what happened to his dad, we clearly saw Roy watch his dad go into burning woods. Subconsciously, he'd have to know.
More fics!!! PLEASE?
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Date: 2007-03-03 08:43 am (UTC)I'm not used to the flexibility of comics canon and I think I like it. ;) It's almost required that you set your own parameters because goodness the comics have changed things often enough!
I absolutely love the way you take Roy and just show him being just what he is: a kid in a very dangerous business, one where people get hurt, even die.
Thank you! It's really a lot to put on these kids shoulders, the work they're doing. And since so many of them have had death in their personal lives, it makes the deaths they experience in their work take on another level of meaning.
(no subject)
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Date: 2007-03-04 03:26 pm (UTC)I love your use of sensory data in this--it really feels like you're there. Um... yeah. The smoke, the pizza, the fire. You made all of those things so *real.*
And OH Dick and Roy. They are... guh. Words fail, only I love them so much, I just want to squick them to bits.
And your decision on the last line was perfect. Just saying.
Now I need a DC icon. ::le sigh::
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Date: 2007-03-04 10:13 pm (UTC)ZOMGwherehaveyoubeenI'vemissedyou!!!!
I am so glad you've fallen in love with Dick and Roy, I have no words. I've also corrupted
I just want to squick them to bits.
Squick, huh? I know you meant squish but the mental image that brought up was too good not to share!
And your decision on the last line was perfect. Just saying.
Thank you! I angsted! And you were GONE! I am apparently incapable of writing without you on IM, btw, I *tried*. ::clings to you::
Now I need a DC icon. ::le sigh::
Dude, I have icons. I can make you icons. ::shifty eyes::
This is for the Meat Loaf. And RENT, and Sailor Moon, and Voyager and Wicked and... ;)
(no subject)
From:no subject
Date: 2007-03-31 10:20 pm (UTC)On a personal level, this story hit me really hard because I feel like that sometimes when I see a tragedy...I can't get past wondering what the people were thinking and...yeah. So I was reading through winces and it felt very real to me.
Roy thinks dimly that he could probably get back to Star City tonight if he has to, and Ollie won’t be there but that’s not new and he’s clearly not fit for company anyway.
Oh, owie, oh Roy. Such a great line.
You rock!
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Date: 2007-04-04 10:35 pm (UTC)It is indeed my first DC fic (although now I have two under my belt ;) heh), but not my first fic by any means. But thank you--it's nice to hear it doesn't seem like it! :)
On a personal level, this story hit me really hard because I feel like that sometimes when I see a tragedy...I can't get past wondering what the people were thinking and...yeah. So I was reading through winces and it felt very real to me.
That is a huge compliment, thank you. It was a pretty personal fic for me to write and when I wrote a commentary for this fic, I kind of explained that--I'm glad it felt real to you!
Thank you so much for the lovely, lovely feedback! (And it's never too late to join the invasion!) :)
Here from recced_em
Date: 2007-08-09 06:48 am (UTC)He's always seemed to be a little bit the outsider, a little bit harder hit by the blows others shrug off. When Dick was rebelling against Bruce and the other Titans were growing up their own way, Roy was falling apart without Ollie (or Dick, or Lian, or so many others). He's more than just a Badass Normal who goes to the gym a lot, he's human in a way no one else... demands to be.
Donna's parents died in a fire too, before CoIE clusterfucked her continuity. There must be something to that. Dick lost his parents under the big-top and maybe there are just a few people Roy trusts enough to hold him together, because he knows they've felt what he's felt.
That might be pretentious, but it's almost 2 A.M. where I am, so please put up with the gushing.
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Date: 2008-07-07 07:24 pm (UTC)This is what I love about superhero fiction - the chance to tell the stories behind the stories.
Excellent job.
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Date: 2008-07-16 01:33 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-08-30 09:19 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-09-25 11:59 pm (UTC)Roy and *daddy*, Roy and *Ollie*, Roy and his Titans (and how much did I love him borrowing Donna's flowery stuff? THIS MUCH) and just. ROY. Oh, *Roy*, *honey*. My love is kind of incoherent.
Hi, I was sent by ilyena_sylph, who described this as the best Roy fic on the internet.
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Date: 2008-10-18 03:58 am (UTC)Oh, Roy... Poor baby. *squishes with hugs*
Man, I never really thought about how things like fires would affect Roy. Since he didn't really know his dad at all, but of course he would know about how he died. Do the other Titans know about his dad? I can't remember if it was ever talked about. I mean, I'm sure they know NOW, but I don't remember enough of their beginning storyline for that to make sense in my head.
Aw man, you've totally broken my brain. Now all I can think of is wibbling!Roy and Dick being all confused but willing to help. This is probably one of the reasons I ship Dick/Roy so hard. They've known each other so long, and have been through so much, that pairing them with other people just seems kinda wrong to me.
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Date: 2008-10-19 09:03 pm (UTC)And yeah--I think I was going with the assumption that even if the rest of the Titans don't know about Roy's father, Dick does? Because it seems like the kind of thing they would have told one another at one point or another, if that makes sense. (I have no idea about the canon on it, of course, but for my personal canon, anyway...)